Love vs Fear

  

 

 Each of us struggles with making sense of spirituality based on our experiences with religion. This can be especially confusing during adolescence when conflicting messages are received. As I’m working on the rerelease of my previous novel, To Be Honest,  I’m also writing Bekah’s story. She’s a teenager trying to make sense of the hypocrisy she observes in the world around her. Despite being brought up in a Christian home, she has doubts. Bekah’s story is one that I’ve worked on and off over the last 3 years. I feel compelled to tell her story. 

  Forcing beliefs on people never works. People respond by love and grace, not fear and condemnation. What sticks out to me during the trials of my adolescent years while going to church is the fear. Fear of being condemned as a sinner. Always feeling like I was failing God. I now know the struggles I had finding my place in a confusing world were normal teenage feelings and reactions. During that time however, words were tossed out to me like…that’s the devil, you are possessed, you better get your life right….Jesus is coming back. I was a teenager in the 80s and exposed to hell and damnation sermons along with many teachings on the rapture. Films watched in church of the rapture and people being left behind by Jesus haunted me. Through all of this…Jesus’s message of love was lost. Thank God I found it later in life as an adult. 

With everything going in our country today, I fear the message of his love is being drowned out by the fear and anger messages. Forcing someone to accept beliefs does not work. I’m going to end by posting a scripture that I wish someone would have emphasized to my teenage self. I’m not done writing Bekah’s story yet…but I have a feeling she’s going to come out with that message of love. 😊

  

Meaningful Moments

Christmas this year was one of the best I’ve had. Not because of the gifts I received, but because of the moments shared with the people I love. The older I get, the more appreciative I’ve become for time spent surrounded by people who mean the world to me. My daughter hosted Christmas at her home as she’s done the last few years. One especially touching moment for me, was when my mom told me the story of how she chose my name. Being a hopeless romantic, she was enamored with a movie that came out in 1957 called Tammy and the Bachelor. She loved the song Debbie Reynolds sang in the movie and often sang it to herself. She knew one day she would name her daughter Tammi. Mom played the song for me on her iPad. It was a special moment that I treasure. Below is the song that is my namesake. 

We don’t always remember the gifts we receive, but we will remember meaningful moments. 

What Can I Do?

    What can I do? For me to remain silent about the issue of racism in our country is not an option. So I have spent time in prayer and I have listened. I've listened to leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement and voices of the African American communities speaking out to demand change. Three things that I have heard repeated over are to educate yourself, use your platform and vote. 

1. Educate Yourself. I have researched and watched documentaries on systematic racism in our country. When you hear the words systematic racism, what does that mean to you? Do you understand what it means?   I recommend that you watch the documentary 13th.  It is a powerful look at history of oppression in our country. It is eye opening.

2. Use your Platform. My platform is not huge in comparison to many other's, but this blog post to my readers is my first step using my platform to educate and speak out for change in our country.  I am putting all other writing projects on hold right now and dedicating my time to this cause.


3. Vote.  Once again, I'll repeat to educate yourself before you vote. Don't blindly follow anyone or any party. Have you ever heard of  ALEC? Do you know the role they play in making laws in our country? Do you know who their members are?  Educate yourself.

I've included a  link below on how to register to vote.


https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote


We can't sit by silently. It is time to act.

Forever Humbled

I Used to Believe 

I used to believe that good things came to those who worked hard

I used to believe that if your motives were pure...you’d be rewarded 

I used to believe that if you had love in your heart that your shortcomings would be forgiven 

I used to believe everything would work out for the good...no matter how tragic the circumstances 

Now I’m wiser

I now know it doesn’t matter how faithful you are

or  how hard you try...for some people it’s just not meant to be

I now know that no matter how much you’ve been humbled 
or knocked down that you can be knocked that down that much farther 

I now know that no matter how hard you pray or try...your life is predetermined 

I now know that for some of us...it’s just not meant to be

Preview to Forever Humbled by TC Booth 

Becoming an Adult 101

What does it mean to be an adult? This question has come up over and over during the last year in my house. When you become an adult do you automatically do everything right? React the perfect way in every situation?  Does the knowledge you need the rest of your life pour from the heavens at the magical age of 18? That would be easy wouldn't it?

 Unfortunately or fortunatley (depending on how you look at it) , learning never stops. If you are 80  or 18 and all ages in between...life changes. Therefore, the lessons and challenges in your life change.  To me, being an adult means being willing to take a hard look at yourself in all situations and acknowledge what you are doing that's not working and being willing to change for the better. It's hard to do if you profess to be perfect. In that case, a person will never grow from where they are.

Another thing an adult needs to acknowledge are the situations that are simply out of your control no matter what changes you make. You can't make other people want to see the best in you or accept the love and support you are willing to give them. This is perhaps the hardest lesson of all. For me time in prayer and meditation are how I come to terms with this and when to draw the line and say I've done all I can do.

I'm currently working on my new book titled....Hero Rejected. It's not a young adult fiction story this time. It's a story that may benefit people of all ages. It's my story. Writing this story has been theraputic and I pray that my story may be of help to others that find themselves in similar situations as mine.


Remember, when all else fails....ask yourself the question I do in hard family situations....What would Dr. Phil do?

My Unwanted Companions

Darkness threatens to close in on me. I deny its existence because I can't let myself go there again. I desperately look to any light I can find. Tears come easily, often without a reason. People ask me what's wrong. How can I explain what's wrong when I don't have the answer myself?


Depression and anxiety have been constant companions in my life. They fade into the background for awhile, but never truly disappear. Living with them is a never ending battle. One I'm determined not to lose. With the recent suicides of well known public figures, depression is once again pushed into the spotlight, but for how long? Until another suicide makes the news?

Awareness of this issue needs to be an ongoing dialogue. It's more than just a sad moment. People suffering from depression can't "pull themselves out of it".  For years I felt like a failure because my depression and anxiety crept up no matter how long it lay dormant. It's taken me years to accept that this is a part of me. Its' the way that I'm wired. I'll always have episodes and I'll be okay. I've  survived each one and will in the future. So I'm not a failure......I'm a survivor.

I've never felt stronger that this is the time to tell my story. My writer's devotion this summer is to talk about my journey and the tools I've collected over the years that give me hope and means to overcome this disease that crosses over into all walks of life. No matter age, race, socio-economic status, or gender, it doesn't discriminate. I hope that my story will help anyone who feels alone in this struggle. You're not alone and there are people who will support you. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. As you read my story this summer, you'll see that my mistake at the beginning of this journey was not speaking up. Stay strong.

adaa.org/adaa-online-support-group


www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depresssion-support

An American Student

     
Journal Entry One
  
"This is a lock down" echoed through the sound system today sending my heart into overdrive. My body couldn't help but to react to the words even though my teacher told us we would have the drill today.  Huddled in the dark corner of my classroom, my mind raced with thoughts of what if....  What if it was real this time?  What if a gunman shot through our locked door?  My teacher always places herself between us and the door. What if the gunman shot her? Would I be next?  Relief flooded me when the news of the drill was over and we could go back to our normal day. But what about next time? Will it be a drill or real?  
     
  I guess this must be normal...right? To worry about these things when I go to school every day? 

                                                          
                                                                Signed,
                                                              An American Student


"American 15-19 olds are 8200% more likely to die from gun violence than children in any other developed nations."  Dr. Jill Stein